LOVE & RELATIONSHIP: People usually embark on romantic relationships in search of intimacy, companionship, and mutual support. Life’s challenges often become easier to manage when someone else helps shoulder the burden. In a healthy relationship, you might turn to your partner for comfort and guidance when something comes up that you can’t handle alone.
Yet relationships can’t thrive without balance. If one partner regularly provides most of the financial or
emotional support, you might have a one-sided, or unbalanced, relationship.
It’s disheartening to put effort into showing up for a partner who doesn’t seem to have a similar
investment in the relationship. Beyond causing frustration, one-sided relationships can sour your
affection and negatively affect your mental health.
Common signs of imbalance
Every relationship is unique, and partners might, from time to time, experience personal difficulties that
affect their ability to contribute equally to the relationship and that’s OK. But when one partner is
regularly contributing more to the relationship, there’s often trouble ahead.
Here are some other signs that suggest there’s a balance issue in the relationship.
A persistent sense of insecurity
When your partner doesn’t seem invested, you might begin to doubt their commitment. That’s
pretty understandable. You prioritize the relationship and make a dedicated effort to communicate,
spend quality time together, and help out when needed. If they fail to put in an equal effort, you might
start to wonder if they care about you at all.
Alternatively, they might show plenty of affection but seem disinterested in discussing plans, like
moving in together or planning next year’s vacation. This can leave you with the sense they prefer to
keep one foot out the door.
Granted, some people are more demonstrative than others, but it’s generally not a great sign when you
feel uncertain of their feelings. This insecurity can shake your faith in your partner and fuel anxiety and
conflict.
Lack of communication
One-sidedness can also show up in communication patterns.
You freely talk about your frustration with your best friend after an argument or your joy and
satisfaction after your boss singles out your work for praise. Your partner, on the other hand, shares
next to nothing, no matter what happens in their life.
Maybe you’ve noticed they’re a great listener. They never cut in or divert your story to their own
experiences. At the same time, however, they rarely offer anecdotes of their own.
When you struggle to communicate, you might feel as if you don’t know them all that well. This can also
make for unproductive conflict. You want to get to the heart of the problem and talk through it, but they
brush the issue off with “It’s fine” or “Don’t worry.”
In the end, although you want to achieve more authentic communication, you may find it harder and
harder to open up since they never reciprocate.
Your interactions leave you unfulfilled
How do you feel after spending time with your partner?
Maybe you have fun at the moment, but the lack of deep emotional connection leaves you feeling
lonely, even a little empty, afterwards. You might find yourself dissecting your encounters, worrying over
their lack of engagement, or wondering what you did to upset them.
You do all the work
In one-sided relationships, it often falls to one partner to arrange everything. Planning trips or dates, picking up food for dinner, checking in when you haven’t talked in a few days, initiating sex it may seem as if the relationship would collapse entirely if you stopped working to sustain
it.
Perhaps when you mention this, your partner offers some excuse or looks at you blankly. Maybe they
agree to try harder but soon return to their habits. Either way, this can leave you with the
impression they’re taking advantage or don’t care whether the relationship continues.
Financial imbalance
After a job loss or other financial difficulty, a partner with financial resources might offer to help
temporarily. There’s nothing wrong with that. Knowing you have someone who cares enough to help
out in times of need is an important relationship benefit.
It’s a different story, however, when you end up paying for bills, groceries, gas, and vacations without a
prior arrangement, and your partner never makes a move to chip in. This typically doesn’t represent a
healthy relationship dynamic, and it can leave you feeling used and unappreciated.
How to end things
Some people simply aren’t compatible.
If your partner shows no inclination to meet you in the middle, you’re probably better off moving on
even when you feel you’ve put in too much effort to abandon the relationship. No amount of effort is
worth prolonged emotional distress.
Be honest
Explain why you’ve decided to end the relationship.
Remember, incompatibility can happen without either partner doing anything “wrong.” Using “I”
statements can help you avoid sounding critical or judgmental. You might say, for example, “I need
more emotional intimacy from my partner” or “I feel insecure without plans for the future.”
It’s OK to need a relationship with an equal level of commitment and investment. That’s a
healthy relationship, after all.
Talk to a therapist
Working with a mental health professional can help you recover from the breakup and examine your
role in relationship imbalance. Perhaps you don’t feel valued unless you care for someone
and only feel like a worthy partner when you provide support. These beliefs can prompt people-pleasing
or codependent behaviours.
Take time to recover
It’s perfectly normal to feel sadness or grief and wonder whether you did the right thing. Yet you can
love your partner and still know you need to end the relationship to prioritize your well-being.
Breaking up may be best for you, regardless of your lingering feelings, since one-sided relationships may
involve more conflict and emotional distress.
The bottom line
Without equality and mutual respect, relationships can easily become unbalanced, insecure, and full of
resentment. If your relationship has become somewhat one-sided, an open, honest conversation about
your needs can help you bring it back into balance.
