signs you’re definitely the side chick in his life
Modern dating can feel like a minefield to navigate. Dating apps and social media make it easier than ever before to play the field. In fact, frightening research suggests as many as 42% of dating app users are either married or already in relationships.
That means it’s also increasingly easy to end up being a guy’s backup. Rather than taking center stage in his life, he has you waiting in the wings.
Here are the definite signs you are just a side chick.
signs you are the side chick
You’re constantly disappointed and so have very low expectations of him
He’s let you down more than once. More times in fact than you care to admit. Whether it’s canceled dates, not hearing from him, or some other kick in the teeth that leaves you feeling unwanted and frustrated.
You’ve actually become so used to the disappointment that you have learned to take what you can get from him, and don’t expect much more. Sometimes you feel so starved of the attention that you want from him that even the smallest gestures leave you feeling grateful.
Asking you how your day is going all of a sudden has your tummy doing somersaults because he never normally texts you during the day. You’re excited that he even bothered to message you. Let’s face it. This is a huge red flag.
You don’t see each other that much
Guys who have more than one girl on the go aren’t stupid. They know that the more time they spend with you, the higher your expectations are going to be. Because you are just a side chick, he wants to make sure you don’t start to become too demanding of his time.
One way to manage that is to simply limit the amount of time he spends with you. If he only sees you once a week, you’re less likely to start thinking you’re his girlfriend. Part of it is practical too. Juggling daily life work, friends, family, hobbies more than one woman is time-consuming. He doesn’t have the time to see you that much.
The time you get with him is also unlikely to be “prime” time. Rather than give up his Friday night or weekends, you get a random few hours during the week. Infrequent dates or long gaps in between seeing one another is a classic sign you are a side piece.
It’s common to not hear from him for a while
Sometimes he’ll message you straight back, other times he takes his time getting back to you. You’re left wondering why he hasn’t called. If you haven’t heard from him for a week or more, you start to wonder if he’s interested in you anymore.
Maybe he has met someone new? Maybe there was someone else on the scene all along? Or maybe he’s just busy with work and life? Deep down we know that nobody is THAT busy, so something must give. And that something could be that you are just a side chick.
Here’s a possibility: if you can resist the siren call of mediocrity in modern dating, then there may be an opportunity to turn him into your one and only. Gain the insight you need to be his desired companion. Uncover how to make yourself irreplaceable and secure your place in his affections!
It’s all on his terms
Does it feel less of an equal partnership and more like everything is always on his terms? You meet when he wants to, he texts or calls you when it’s convenient to him. And when it doesn’t suit him to see you or speak to you…well he doesn’t.
The reality is that you are always available for him, but the same cannot be said for him. This isn’t fair, and it’s definitely not healthy. It shows an unequal balance of power. Everything is on his terms because he doesn’t care enough to put himself out for you. Yet he expects you to bend over backward to accommodate him.
Essentially, you are not a priority for him.
You don’t have proper dates
If he really likes you, at some point, he’d want to go out for a drink, grab dinner, or do something that resembles a real date. If he doesn’t, then you have to ask yourself, why?
Is he avoiding being seen with you so that he doesn’t get himself into a sticky situation with the other women he’s dating or with his girlfriend?
You’ve never met his friends
You’ve never met any of his friends, or anyone from his life come to think of it. Ok, so you’re not expecting to meet his folks already, but meeting a few of his pals is surely less of a big deal. When we are interested in having a relationship, we start to think about integrating the person we are dating into our lives. That means, meeting friends.
If it’s been a while and he seems to be keeping his life and friends totally separate, it suggests he doesn’t want to include you in his everyday life. If you are his side chick then keeping his personal life separate helps to keep gossip to a minimum.
He booty calls you
It used to be obvious when you were being booty-called. But the ever-increasing ways to communicate these days have blurred the lines. For starters, it could be a booty call, a booty text, or a booty DM to your social media. He may lay the groundwork a little earlier in the day too, rather than spring a message on you in the middle of the night.
A little “hey, what’s up” sent around 6 pm, followed by some small talk that leads to a “what are you up to?” around 10 pm. But regardless the hallmarks are the same the main aim is to get you into bed. Booty calls are short-notice contact that is driving towards meeting up for solely for sex.
Plans are last minute
There are two types of guys in the world that you’ll date: those who plan ahead and those who wing it. Which guy you get depends on how invested they are in you. The former will make plans well before they need to. They will also know how to follow through on them.
When a man is invested in dating you, he respects your time and shows enough effort to make plans in advance. He wants to see you, so he’s happy to commit to doing that ahead of time. Sadly when you’re a side chick, you’re not his priority and it shows.
He wants to keep his calendar flexible to see what else comes up. And if he gets a better offer or can no longer be bothered to see you, he’ll cancel on you at short notice. He wants to keep his calendar flexible to see what else comes up. And if he gets a better offer or can no longer be bothered to see you, he’ll cancel on you at short notice.
He breadcrumbs you
You’ve probably heard of breadcrumbing by now. Much like gaslighting and ghosting, it’s become a staple of online dating terminology.
Breadcrumbing is a pretty cruel psychological manipulation that romantically strings you along. It can involve hot and cold behavior, where he gives and withdraws attention. But the main characteristic is that he leaves you with just enough hope to keep things going, without putting himself out.
These flirtatious but totally non-committal signals will keep you sweet but require minimum effort from him. It can involve hot and cold behavior, where he gives and withdraws attention.
